Difficult times call for a change of location
So, I'm tired of LiveJournal. I don't know why, I just am. I kind of want a new lease on life. I started a journal here forever and a day ago as to view the journals of my contemporaries, but never posted anything but the color of my damn aura quiz. I deleted it. And now I'm starting anew.
I don't know. Mexico sounds nice. I know it is nice. I want to go back. Not to tourist Mexico, but the rough, hard Mexico that I witnessed. I want to join the Peace Corps, go to Sudan and help in the refugee camps. I want to go to Rwanda and see genocide for what it is. I have a strange fascination with it now, but all I want to do is help. It's like I've achieved something of a higher purpose. We'll see if any of it ever comes to fruitition.
Mom is moving in order to live someplace not over run with the criminals that have infiltrated our neighborhood. That makes me happy. It's selfish, but I'm 25 damn years old. I've never had a monogamous relationship that lasted over a year (If there are any questions about the monogamous part, feel free to ask. Needless to say I was monogamous and the other half of the relationship was not.). I'm selfish and I know it, but I'm ready for my life to start. I'm so completely in love with the idea of being my own keeper--of only worrying about myself and not worrying about everyone else. I might actually be able to make a decision that was good for my person if that were the case. I guess we shall see.
I love my friends and I love my Mom--but--big but--I want to leave. I want away. I want to be gone. Just for a little while. Just to regain my perspective, drive, ambition and ability to stand up for myself. I've become this meek little creature that isn't capable of telling anyone no. Well, I'm capable of saying no, but there are a select few people that abuse the fact that I seem rendered stupid by my adoration for them. *cough* You know who you are and most of you suck for abusing my weakness. I'm a person, damnit. I don't treat you like sullied goods, so why must you treat me that way? No answers? That's right, you think people will think less of you given your current thoughts.
Here's the shocker, folks. Everyone has dirty, immoral little thoughts every once in awhile. What distinguished those of us that are essentially good from those that are essentially not-so-good is that those of us that are good aren't ashamed of our thoughts. We relish in the fact that we are honest and expect the same from others. We are the sensitive of the bunch and lack of honesty is what hurts us the most. So, injured am I. Those who love me rally around me and those who hate me do jigs of joy in the town square to whatever higher power (or mortal) that caused/causes my angst.
I'm done for now. I feel the desire to finally break the silence with my father. I'm going to end up a crying, sobbing mess, but I should get it over with. A year is plenty of time to let him learn his lesson.
I don't know. Mexico sounds nice. I know it is nice. I want to go back. Not to tourist Mexico, but the rough, hard Mexico that I witnessed. I want to join the Peace Corps, go to Sudan and help in the refugee camps. I want to go to Rwanda and see genocide for what it is. I have a strange fascination with it now, but all I want to do is help. It's like I've achieved something of a higher purpose. We'll see if any of it ever comes to fruitition.
Mom is moving in order to live someplace not over run with the criminals that have infiltrated our neighborhood. That makes me happy. It's selfish, but I'm 25 damn years old. I've never had a monogamous relationship that lasted over a year (If there are any questions about the monogamous part, feel free to ask. Needless to say I was monogamous and the other half of the relationship was not.). I'm selfish and I know it, but I'm ready for my life to start. I'm so completely in love with the idea of being my own keeper--of only worrying about myself and not worrying about everyone else. I might actually be able to make a decision that was good for my person if that were the case. I guess we shall see.
I love my friends and I love my Mom--but--big but--I want to leave. I want away. I want to be gone. Just for a little while. Just to regain my perspective, drive, ambition and ability to stand up for myself. I've become this meek little creature that isn't capable of telling anyone no. Well, I'm capable of saying no, but there are a select few people that abuse the fact that I seem rendered stupid by my adoration for them. *cough* You know who you are and most of you suck for abusing my weakness. I'm a person, damnit. I don't treat you like sullied goods, so why must you treat me that way? No answers? That's right, you think people will think less of you given your current thoughts.
Here's the shocker, folks. Everyone has dirty, immoral little thoughts every once in awhile. What distinguished those of us that are essentially good from those that are essentially not-so-good is that those of us that are good aren't ashamed of our thoughts. We relish in the fact that we are honest and expect the same from others. We are the sensitive of the bunch and lack of honesty is what hurts us the most. So, injured am I. Those who love me rally around me and those who hate me do jigs of joy in the town square to whatever higher power (or mortal) that caused/causes my angst.
I'm done for now. I feel the desire to finally break the silence with my father. I'm going to end up a crying, sobbing mess, but I should get it over with. A year is plenty of time to let him learn his lesson.
posted by Kat @ 8/07/2005 11:04:00 PM
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